In The Palms Of Our Hands

Goodbye to someone important
2003-05-04, 4:53 p.m.

I am tired.. I shouldn't be we all napped today but I am! Its a lazy sunday!

We went to church this morning and it was nice. We haven't gone the last couple weeks and I really like the church we visited today so we will go backthere next sunday again.

Then we came home and had lunch and Noah went outside to play with the neighbor girl and Jaidyn colored in her new blues clues coloring book. All went well. then Jaidyn took a nap and we all fell to sleep soon afterwards.

So its been a lazy day in our world

I have flowers I need to plant in my planter thingy outside, but its rainy outside, but I still need to do it today!!

I have laundry I have been putting off, but it will get done.

The kids room needs to be cleaned, but that too will get done

I know I sound like I am just putting everyrhing off, but well Sundays are family days. We should spend it doing things together and not so busy with everyday little things that I can do later tonight or tomorrow you know??

Can I ask for those of you who pray to pray for a really close family friend of mine. She is in her 80s and she has always been like a grandmother to me. She was there when I was born, when I nearly died at a year old, she was there to take care of me when my parents worked. Anyway she has been sick for a long time. He mind is going, she doesn't even remember I have a daughter, much less that we are expecting again (which is so sad for me to know she is like that now)and her health is bad. The sent her home for the hospital yesterday telling them they could do nothing more for her. They gave her just a couple more days, beofre she passes away.

I am sad because she was always such a big part of my life. I am sad because my children didn't get a chance to know her the way I did. I am sad because I haven't made more time to spend with her when I was living down there, that I wasn't there more as I got older. I am sad because her husband I know won't make it mucyh longer after she goes, because she is all he has. They have no children, she never could carry a baby to term, they have no one left except for my family and I feel Like I haven't been there when I should have been for them.

Just pray that she goes peaciful to heaven where she won't suffer anymore. Where her mind will be healed and she will be in a more peaciful place with no more pain and suffering.

Pray for my uncle that as he sees her go, that he feels at peace that it is just her time to go.

Pray for me, that I don't feel so dang guilty for not being there (I know I can't be), for wishing I could do something and for being upset in one way that she will die before she gets to meet the baby I am carring right now...

I haven't really lost anyone I have really really cared about since I have been old enough to understand it so this is hard for me.

What is worse is the closer it gets to my due date the less likely I will be able to go down when something does happen. They gave her just days, but I know it could be weeks even. I just hate that we all sit here just waiting for the bad news. Waiting to hear that something bad happen :(

Sorry this is a down entry but I am sad, I was told last night but it didn't hit me until I was sitting in church today...

Anyway I will miss you Helen, you have meant the world to me and been there all those times I needed you when I was younger. I am sorry I haven't been there for you these last few years, but always know I loved you and thought of you. Its been hard for me to see you not knowing who I was for times, or not remember I had children, it was just so scary for me to be around. I didn't want to admitt something wasn't right anymore with you. I know it was selfish, but it is true. God will take care of you in heaven I know that, so its okay to stop fighting now, you will be at peace there with him...I know I won't be there to tell you when you do go, but goodbye Aunt Helen, we will love you and miss you for forever...

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