In The Palms Of Our Hands

loving children
2004-02-25, 10:28 a.m.

Someone made the comment the other day that they couldn't wait until they could understand how it felt to love children the way I love mine.

I was sitting there thinking about that and I totally remember not feeling this way before kids. Not realizing how much you can totally love someone.

Its not the same as the way I love Brian. I love Brian so much but the love of my children is so much much more.

The night Noah was born I was scared but I had already learned to love him while I carried him. I thought about him, dreamed about him almost every night for 9 months while I carried him. Then the minute he was born and I heard his little cry and he was handed to me, something just clicked. I loved that small little baby more then I had ever loved anything or anyone.

I would watch Noah sleep for hours and just smile at him. I could hold him for long amounts of time and just think how lucky I was. The first time he learned to sit, crawl and walk, I felt like I had just learned those things with him. It was amazing.

I remember how scared I was when at 6 weeks he had to have surgery. I remember holding him all night while I couldn't feed him more then a couple cc's of formula at a time because his tummy surgery. It killed me to not be able to feed him so I would sat up that whole night holding him in my arms, singing to him, talking to him and telling me stories.

The nurses were all amazed at how when they would need to do something to him he would scream and scream, but the second I touched him he would get quiet and grin. He was my baby and you could tell we had bonded.

I remember so much about him as a baby and as a toddler. I remember my sweet one year old who would put a coke box on his head and walk around laughing. Or my 2 year old who slept every night in his carbed and loved june bugs! lol

I couldn't imagine even while pregnant with Jaidyn how I could love another child the way I loved him. But when she was born, it amazed me again how much love I had for her too. She was my precious girl. My daughter.

I bonded with her as soon as she was born just as I had with Noah. Looking at her was amazing. When she learned to do each new thing, I was amazed as well. Though I had seen Noah learn all these things, I was still so amazed in her doing them and learning them.

I can remember all the times Noah and Jaidyn sat together and he held her when he was just 2 and she was a newborn. It was amazing to see them learn to play togehter and to interact.

I remember when Jaidyn learned to walk, and started really being able to follow Noah everywhere! lol I remember the first pony tail I ever put her hair up in, he small little cupcake sleeper that fit her so well when she was first born.

I remember how she had no teeth on her first birthday and I started thinking she would never have any! lol I remember crying when I looked at her because I loved her so much when she was a baby. I remember her at 1 when she first got her teeth and walked. I remember at 18 months when she first started really talking and sleeping in a toddler bed.

And now there is Chase. I never doubted how much I could love another child with him. I Had lost a baby just a couple months before I got pregnant and though I never met that baby, I loved her all the same. I was crushed after lossing that baby and Chase is my miracule. He is perfect and wonderful. When he smiles at me I can't help but to smile back. His growling and playing makes me laugh.

His sweet little voice saying "mama" melts my heart. I love love love this boy so much just like I do his brother and sister. Watching him learn is yet another amazing thing. You never get over the amazement of watching you children learn.

they never cease to amaze me weather its learning to sit for the first time, learning to go potty on their own, or learning to read. They are all amazing in everything they do.

I love them so much more every single day I have with them. I feel very very luck and blessed to be given them.

Yes sometimes they drive me crazy. Sometimes I need a break,but the love I have for them never changes ever and it was the most wonderufl love of all...

I rambled on and on there. sorry. Just thinking a lot today I guess.

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