In The Palms Of Our Hands

His Loss
2002-01-12, 12:56 p.m.

I do not like my husband today at all. Okay so he cleaned Noah up last night when he was throwing up and yeah he stayed up with him too (I was up too). Okay so I love him for that, but I had a long week too. IT was wednesday night when Jaidyn throw up on me in the resturant, he didn't think it should bother me, the was all day Thursday when she throw up again all over me and her, again nothing major to him, and yesterday well yesterday I was just tired and have this stupid cold. I had a hard week too but he comes home yesterday talking about how bad his week was and such and he needed a stress reliever, so what does he do today? He leaves me here with the kids alone again and runs off with the guy he works with, remember the one who was missing for 24 hours?? Well with him and said he will be back in a couple hours. Now I have problems with that for 2 reasons. I being I went to bed at 2:30, last ngiht for the first time, he went to be before 8. I was up at 3 and 4:30 and 6 this morning. He was up from 12:30 until 2 and slept again without interrupts. I am soo tired that I can barely stay awake. And Noah wanted his daddy. He cried to go with his daddy or to have daddy stay with him. Brian makes him get out of his lap so he can leave. About this time I am trying to put a Power Ranger movie in the vcr for Noah, and the vcr decides it doesn't want to work anymore. So he walks out the door, while I am holding a crying baby who was refusing a nap, Noah crying because he wants daddy, and me trying to figure out what to do about the vcr. He just walks out. No bye, no can I help you with the vcr. or anything. Just walked out the door.

What in the world makes him so special that he should get away?? I have been alone at home with my children every day for 3.5 years and I don't get away because I had a bad day... I don't get to run off when the kids need something, I have no one to rely on to watch them, like he has me.

My house is a mess, I have all Noahs sheets and other covers to wash, as well as finishs up the laundtry from when we had to change all Jaidyns bedding and such for 2 days too. I have a house that is a mess, because no one cleans it but me. My baby girl is finally napping, and bug is in my lap sound to sleep right now. My precious baby boy who just wanted to spend time with his daddy, since he has worked 10 or so days straight in a row. His daddy hasn't spent any real time with him in about 2 weeks and the first chance he gets (mind you he is on call this weekend, and may have to go in if called) to spend time with the kids he runs off because he needs a break because work has been to hard on him. FUCK that. Sorry I never cuss, and that is bad that i actually put that in there, but I am sooo not happy . So yeah Brian sucks big today. and guess what? I am buying a DVD player and a new VCR today... Brian and I had decided o nthe DVD player already, but now I am buying the vcr too cause well Noah's movies are all tapes and he needs the vcr...

Men suck, I am depressed and tired, and shopping always makes me better. Afte rthe kids naps I wil lget us ready to go to town (I need diapers and cheese thus the real reason for the store today) If Bri is home and feels like spending time with us maybe he will go to, if not oh well his loss not mine. His loss that Noah isn't curled up in his lap, his loss taht Noah my baby boy is so sweet and senstive, its well just his loss that he is missing special moments with the kids when he could be here sharing them... Its his loss....

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