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current | archives | profile | Noah & Jaidyn | Chase | Hailey | email | notes | host | image | design baby, no baby I am having a big struggle in my mind right now. Well okay I have been having one for awhile. The struggle is to have another baby sometime soon, or to wait, or to not have anymore. Of course the last one is out of the question atleast at this time. I am only 22 and not ready to say no more for sure. But I don't know if I want another one now, or to wait... See I have talked to several people on my loops who are pregnant or just found out they are pregnant. Even a few who are trying to have a baby now. I guess my big thing is it took us a year to get Jaidyn when we were trying and it was almost 2 years of not doing anything to prevent it. Same when we had noah, though he was not planned, we never did anything to aviod pregnancy and it took us 1.5 years of that before getting him. I just know it will be a long haul probably (or maybe not) If I decide to wait and then start trying I will be aggervated by the trying and start to get back into not wanting to talk to pregnant people. I did that last night too. I was happy for everyone, but jealous and upset that it wasn't me. Why couldn't I get pregnant. I just don't know what I want right now. I would love another baby in 9 months or in 18 months from now. But then again I think I have my hands full now and money is good with just 2 if we have 3 money will be tight again. I know we can give the 2 we have anything and everything, but a 3rd?? That would make it tight.. Of course we will wait a while longer before we try atleast, until I have figured out what plan God has for me on this. I know he does. He knows what he is doing. Noah was my blessing and my growing up lession from God, Jaidyn was my blessing that he gave me after a hard time in my marriage. And he will help the timing of my 3rd child (if there shall be one) just as he did with the other two. He knows that my kids are well taken care of, loved, and get all the attention in the world, and I am sure I would be blessed with another at some point if I want one (or maybe if I decided not to) I also know I have friends I talk to on the net who have been trying for years and I hope God sees them as the good people they are and blesses them with babies soon as well. I know how hard the journey to getting pregnant is. I was there once too, and it was a rough time for me, as I know it is to all those others out there trying... I have time to decide and think and well talk with God about this baby thing. Just because I decide I want a baby, doesn't mean God is ready for me to have another one... I just have to be patient and think things through all the way before doing anything anyway.. So the battle in my mind will contue for awhile longer... |
