In The Palms Of Our Hands

baby thoughts
2002-03-06, 7:22 a.m.

You know, I sit here wanting another baby. Another baby growing inside of me. Another baby to give birth to, to nurse, and to bond with, as I have with my other children. Yet I feel greedy to ask for another one.

There are so many people out there, who aren't able to have children, or have problems getting pregnant, while I sit here with two children, and I think I should be happy to have the two I have. Yet I still want another one.

I remember when I tried for Jaidyn, it took over a year and the whole time, I kept trying to remind myself, God had blessed me with Noah, and if that was the only child I ever had, then I was blessed to have just him. It never really sunk in to well though. I was still depressed and angry about others who got pregnant and such. And I really was upset with people who got pregnant so easily, who didn't really want to be pregnant, or those who had 2 or more children already and were trying again and got pregnant. sigh...

I do want another baby though. I am working on Brian about it, and he is warming up to it. My cycle started on Monday, and I O on day 18, so maybe; maybe we can accidently time it right?? lol hehe

Sometimes I think I might not want another one. I have a very active 13 month old, who is into everything! She is jealous of Noah when he wants mommy too. And Noah is going through a rebelious stage right now. He is back talking and testing his limits as far as he can get. It wears me out somedays.

Then I wonder would we still be able to afford all the things we are able to provide for our children. We have always been able to buy all that they needed, and some of what they want. We have money being put back for each of them for their future, and college or whatever they need it for. Could we stech our money far enough with a third child??

Anyway I had babies on my mind this morning, after hearing of pregnancies, and none pregnancies, and just thinking more and more about me wanting another child.

I have also thought about why I wanted another one. Do I want a baby because I miss having a baby? Because I want my children to have more siblings? Because I am love to be needed the way a newborn needs their mother? Because my babies are getting big and I want to have another baby to watch grow??

ITs a little of all those I think. I want a baby for several reasons.

1. I beleive Brian and I can raise our children they way God wants us to. We teach our children, the bible, and Gods word. Noah even goes to a church preschool. which I LOVE so much and so does he

2. I want my children to have siblings. My family is spaced out. My brother is 14 years older then me, my sister is 10 years old, and my other sister is 4 years older. I did get to grow up with my oldest sister and brother and I want my kids to have siblings to grow up with and get to know.

3. I do miss being pregnant, experiencing birth, and nurtring a tiny baby.

4. I know that all in all we could provide all a baby needed, because all in all a baby needs love and all the other things are just to make life easier that people think a baby needs.

Okay there are several more, but my monkeys are waking up and I need to change a diaper, make breakfast, and color with Noah as I promised we would do this morning..

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