In The Palms Of Our Hands

Shouldn't I be happy??
2002-03-26, 8:08 p.m.

The loan wasn't approved, so we won't be moving. The guys credit isn't that good, so we are back to square one.

I was really upset today when I found out. We have been wanting to move for 2 years now and its just not happening.

I know it will happen when the time is right. I beleive that with all my heart, espcially after waiting and waiting and trying and trying to get pregnant and then it happening at the perfect time and having the greastest baby girl in the world.

Its just sometimes you get tired of waiting. Tired of sitting around, not being able to control things you know??

I have lived in this house since Noah was 10 months old. 10 Months old. It was a year after that, when I wanted to movie. He was around 18 months old then and now he is 3.5 and here we still are. Sitting here stuck in this house.

You know sometimes I get tired of being alone. Tired of not being near my family. Not having real friends here. Most of my good friends are on the interent! Why? Because I am shy and have a hard time meeting people because of it.

I left home and moved here at 19 years old with a newborn baby and new husband. We had Brians parents for awhile, when they lived here too, but it took us soo long for them and I actually become family and it was after they moved when we fianlly became closer and got a long much much better.

So for 3.5 years I have lived without the support of family, with missing nephews birthday partys, and not having them attented my kids, having to travel at holidays, not feeling save at home with whaco neighbors, and hating storms in this place. As well as traveling over 20 minutes to go pick up anything we are out of at the store and having to drive atleast thast long (45 mintues right now) to see anyone I know or to take Noah to school.

I am frusitrated with it all I guess. Don't I deserve to be happy every once in awhile?

I have been so lonely and down for about a month now again. Its been like this for so long now. Being out ehre where their is no one makes it so hard to make friends, and have people come over. NO one ever comes over, because its so far from them.

ANyway I guess I am just not happy these days. My children are the reason I get out of bed in the morning and do things. They need me and heck I need them :) I love those little turkys so much, even if they do drive me insane sometimes.

Today Jaidyn fell and has a black eye from hitting the floor and a scratch below and above her eye! Poor thing!

Noah had his really neat pictures done today! I can't wait to see them. In about two weeks they will show us the proofs and we can pick the ones we want to buy. They took 3 poses, so I will probably buy like one of each or something! lol You know me I love pictures!

The teacher said he did great with his pictures and we were both worried about him with that! He did great because she told him it would surprise his mommy! YAY for a good teacher.

He loves Ms. Tammy so much and she is so good with the kids and him! She told me the pictures were so good and came out well. And assured me I would go broke buying them! lol

Noah has been so good today! He has played and wanted to learn things today! We were spelling his name earlier and he is getting better at that! So smart he is! :)

He also is doing more, and likes to help doing everything! He puts his clothes in the hamper, and his plate in the sink! YAY for Noah Bug!

He got to play outside when Brian was out there earlier. I was inside cooking and taking care of a cranky Jaidyn! She has been fussy much of the day! I think she is teething, but you never know.

Well I should go put Noah in bed for the night!

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