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current | archives | profile | Noah & Jaidyn | Chase | Hailey | email | notes | host | image | design A week ago, dreams Ais, I did find my knitting stuff when unpacking yesterday! YAY So I do plan to start knitting daily again. Like you said it will keep my hands busy. Surprisingly, I am doing very well today. The kids have been cute and keeping me entertained, and I may run to the store here in a few minutes and get stuff to decorate my new bathrooms with! So excited. Duckies in my kiddos bathroom!! I have Jaidyns room done, with princesses on the walls so cute! Noah's in process right now! lol Having the house stuff is nice and keeping my mind busy busy! YAY Night time is haunting. I hate it. If I didn't have to sleep I would do okay. I keep having this same dream. You don't have to read this part if you don't want to but I just need to write about this dream and maybe it will help me ease my mind. IT starts off different everytime but always goes back to the same thing. There is a lady in a swimming pool. She is holding a newborn baby and a storm is coming. I yell to the lady to come out if the pool. Save the baby. I run closer and see she is trying to drown the baby. I scream at her to stop and when I get really close, the newborn turns inot Jaidyn. I always wake up at that point. I so don't like that dream. I guess its my mind playing on the guilt that I couldn't save my baby and maybe giving my baby a face, in the baby I do have?? I don't know, but I have had it every night for a week now. Every night... Its been a week since my surgery. Yesterday was harder then today. Probably because it was a week ago yesterday when I learned of the news... I want that dream to go away. I am at some piece with everything, as I know God needed my little one more then we did right now, or he wouldn't have taken her from us. One day, I will get to hold my little girl, and I will know her right off, I just know it. When we are all with God we will complete with our little one we lost and we can all be happy... Right now I have to learn to make it each day and remember that I will get to know her one day when the time is right... Well I am either going to head to the store, call my sister, or just go sit and talk with my MIL and noah since Jaidyn is napping |
