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current | archives | profile | Noah & Jaidyn | Chase | Hailey | email | notes | host | image | design SIL and Car stuff Good morning. You know how I got woke up this morning? Nope not by the kids, but by my husband calling and telling me the car that was supposed to be fixed broke down on him this morning! UGH He had someone from work (he was closer to there then here) pick him up and take him to work... sigh.. More then likely I will have to go pick him up and that is scary to me, because I have no idea how to get to where he works! UGH I don't like having to drive somewhere when I don't know exactly where I will have to go... On other news, my SIL had her u/s no twins and she is inbetween what the dr said and what she thought. She is 13 weeks today. I am excited for her, and happy that her baby is healthy and well, but I am sad because I didn't get to see my baby alive on an ultrasound after 9 weeks( that is when I had my only u/s). I should still be pregnant, and intispating the arrival of my baby, but instead I am awaiting AF so we can start ttc again... I know what a long road ttc can be. It took a year, a full 12 months to get Jaidyn. I am so scared it will take that long again and I don't know if I can do that again. It was so stressful towards the end last time we tried. Sex wasn't for fun and pleasure anymore, it was only done to get the results we wanted... sigh.. I don't want to get in the rut again... Pregnant women, make me happy because I know they are carring healthy children inside of them. I am thankful for that, I don't want anyone else to have to go through the loneliness, emptiness, sadness, not understandingness I have gone though. No one else needs to think "Could I have done something?" even when they know they couldn't have done a thing, and it wasn't there fault.. What makes it harder is most people don't even remember who long its been since, others think I should just be over it by now, and some just don't care. Even Brian doesn't understand why the pain is still so raw sometimes. Sometimes it consumes me. Last night he was so sweet, after hearing about my sil's u/s I was first happy and excited for them, but then sad because it reminded me of what I had lost. He went to the store and bought me my favorite type of ice cream! Awww so sweet isn't he?? Sometimes I think he doesn't care anymore about what happened, but he does things like that that show he cares. sigh okay got off onto something othern then what I planned to write... Today is my moms birtday, she turns 55! hehe she will love that I told people that! Sher and my sister are going to come by today so that should be good I hope Brian gets a ride home and I don't have to drive up there and get him. I start panicing when I hjave to do something like that and don't know where I am going... long enough I am going to go see what my children are doing in Noah's room |
