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current | archives | profile | Noah & Jaidyn | Chase | Hailey | email | notes | host | image | design I hope I am not... Today my SIL is not being indcuted. I feel bad for her because I know she is uncomfortable and such, but its sooo much better for the baby that they are waiting since her due date is still 2 weeks away. I was sitting on the couch earlier watching tv ( which is odd because I never just lay on the couch and watch tv. I normally read a book, or crochet or something if sititng down or opn here or something if I am watching tv) and I was thinking about a comment my mom made yesterday. We came a long way with this pregnancy after her attude towards my last pregnancy, but she kind of messed that up yesterday on the phone. We were talking and I said something about going back to school or work when my kids get older and in a rude voice she said "Yeah right, you will still be having kids" Which pisses me off. Okay so what if I do have another kid after this one?? She had 4. I will only have 3. Is having 3 kids her business?? NOPE Does she take care of them? NOPE Does it really matter what she thinks?? As to if I have however many kids no, but in my mind wanting the approval of my mother it does So one it sounds like she is downing me for having a baby, well one of my sisters has 3 kids, and she thinks she is wonderful, so why isn't it okay for me?? She always says how good my kids are and such, so I know she thinks we are good parents, so I just don't get it ya know?? The second thing that bothers me is that she doesn't seem to have any faith inme every doing anything with my life. So what if being a mom was the only thing I ever wanted out of life? Does that make me less of a person?? NOPE makes me more of I would say. But yes one day I do want to finish college and get a good job, when my kids are in school and I am not needed every minute by them, but will that make me a better person?? Not really. I am who I am.. When will my mother stop and realize that the things she says are hurtful. That she brings me down when she talks like that and makes me feel like to her I am nothing. Does she realize how hard I work each day for my kids? How much I enjoy what I do? How much I have a drive to do something with my life when my kids are older? Does she even care to stop and listen without critizing?? Nope... Remind me when my kids are older that I don't want to be like that. I never want to bring them down. I want to help their self esteem not take it down to nothing whenever I talk to them. I will be supportive of their adult decisions even if they aren't the ones I would chose, because everyone is different and I don't expect them to do things just because I did... sigh... |
