In The Palms Of Our Hands

I want to cry...
2003-10-09, 11:43 a.m.

I just want to sit down and cry today. Not because I am having a bad day, because I am not. Not because the kids, because they are doing good. Not because of Brian, because he is at work and he loves me.

I want to cry because my sister is going through hell. I mean hell. You know I have told you about her. Married for 15 years, been mental abusive to her and her boys since the beginning. He went too far and got violant with her last week and she left with the boys. He keeps calling her and trying to get her back one time and then cussing her the next. Yesterday she saw a lawyer. Yesterday she filed for divorce. He was supposed to be served this morning, but the judge who needs to sign the papers is not in right now. It will be tomorrow before he can be served. Anyway her husband treatened to pick the kids up from school and keep them from my sister. Mind you, he DOESN'T WANT the kids. He doesn't even have anything to do with them, but he thinks it will get him my sister back. Since she left him every time he has talked to the boys on the phone he has told them this was all their moms fault, he didn't do anything wrong and it was my sisters fault that they weren't together anymore. He gets them upset and then it upsets shelly.

Anyway so the papers cvan't be served today, so my ssiters lawyer says she should go get the boys from school before her soon to be ex jerk can get them. If she has them he can't take them from her.

She is scared. Its goign to scare the boys and I am scared for her.

Why am I not there???? I want to be there so bad for her. My sister and I are best friends. No one has ever been therer for me like she has been (other then Brian) and no one for her like I have for her. I want to be there. I want to hug her, pray with her, and hug those boys. I want to tell them everything will be okay and that its not their fault.

Most of all I want everything to be okay. I want to see my sisters smile again and laugh. I want to hear the boys enjoying themselves again when I talk to them and not hear them sad because they want to go back to their home with their stuff.

I want my brother in law to back off. I want him to stop calling and cussing her. I want him to stop telling her that she can't make it without him. I want him to stop bringing those precious boys of theirs into the middle of this. I want him to be a man for the first time in his life and if he really loves her as much as he says, just let her go. It will show his love way more then all this physco crap he is doing.

He is going insane and it scares me. He has been in my life since I was born. First as my brothers best friend and then as a brother. He held me when I cried because my parents divorced when I was little. He took me to see Ronald Mcdonld when I was like 6. I just wish I knew what happened to that side of him. WHy he has always treated my sister like crap and those boys. How could a man call himself a man when he treats his family the way he does?? When he can't be there for his kids?? When he uses the most precious gift God can give someone against a good hearted person like my sister to get what he wants??

My mind is mixed up. I want to be there. I want to be there now. But here I sit 5 hours away just waiting for phone calls so I know what is happening next. Just hoping that all goes okay.

I just keep praying to God to help give my sister the strength she needs in this. To help those boys see their mom is doing what is the best for them and help them adjust and feel loved. I pray for John too. I pray that he gets help. He gets better and that he starts learning to have a real relationship with his boys before its too late. Before they dispise him.

I think I will ask Brian if we can go down tomorrow night. I don't want to take Noah out of school, so maybe we will go after he gets out tomorrow. In one way I just want to let him miss tomorrow and Brian miss work tomorrow and go now. I almost feel sick with worry and wondering.

I hate this. I hate seeing those I love and care about hurting.

I am going to go now. JAidyn and Chase need me and I really haven't been able to do much today. I started cleanign the kids room some and just couldn't finish. I can't stay focused on anything. CHase slept until 11 am from 6 am this morning so he is going to be up for awhile I am sure. Noah gets out at 2:45 and Brian home at 4. My sister is suopposed to call again after she picks up the boys. I hope she calls soon. I hate worrying...

IF you read this please please please pray for her and those boys (she has 3 boys). And if you don't pray, just think of them and think postive thoughts okay??

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